Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
