Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
