btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
