I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
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she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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