This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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