Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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