FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
