I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
