My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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