I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
