you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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