He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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