I'm pants shitting drunk right now
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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