Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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