two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
