I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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