Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
