I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
