They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
