If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
