Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
