the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
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i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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