I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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