I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She's like a pop up book from hell.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
