I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
