420 ftw
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
