if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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