remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
