The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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