Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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