So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she told me i tasted like america
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
