I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
