he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
