Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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