Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Who died my cat blue again?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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