Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
