You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I didn't shave. On purpose
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
