Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
