Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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