just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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