Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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