wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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