Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
