This girl is more easily done than said...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
false alarm, still single
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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