so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
