He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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