Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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