Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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