So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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