So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
