if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Will exercising make me less horny?
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