Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
