If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
