the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
