hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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