i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
