Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
