Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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