Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
