We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
