he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
