if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Randomize
