i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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